Don’t listen to mommy bloggers, just listen to me. *
*sarcasm is my joke of choice, and I’m probably not as funny as I think... but you know that about me already.
The Business of Holding Yourself Back in Business
Setting boundaries are hard. As the firstborn Asian daughter, a lot of my self-worth and pride have been wrapped up in this notion of being helpful. Going above and beyond. Excelling and over-delivering on expectations. Pleasing people.
“Sugoine, oneechan wa,” my mother would say to me while growing up.
It’s a sentence that encapsulates this idea of being the eldest. "Wow, older sister, you are great." Setting an example. Inspiring awe in my parents.
It’s been the secret to my success and the curse that bound me throughout my childhood and young adult life.
I don’t fault my mother for any of the struggles I faced during my time as a people pleaser, though. Now on the other side of the parent-child relationship, I also find myself marveling at my kids when they outperform my expectations. I don’t necessarily believe that this need to excel is outright a bad thing. Like everything, it’s a complicated and nuanced issue here where one factor can’t be the end all be all cause or solution for it.
After all, we all have different motivations behind our inability to say no. Be it lack of confidence, fear of rejection, or need to please others to name a few—but no matter the cause, one outcome remains true. This lack of setting boundaries will forever bind us (irony, much?) to be nothing more than individual contributors rather than leaders. And this is a problem, especially for women and BIPOC in this age of “seize your spot on the table.”
There’s quite a bit of unconditioning and self-reflection that needs to happen.
If You Gave Up on the Bullet Journal, Maybe You Did It Wrong
New year, new me, amiright? Unlike the slew of daylight savings statistic articles that annoy the crap out of me, a seasonal article that I do love seeing are the planner related ones this time of year. There’s something about the new year and productivity that gets me in the mood for the upcoming year. The workout ones on the other hand, I totally ignore, and that could be a topic for another article.
If you’ve been floating around in the stationery/productivity space, you’ve probably already heard of Bullet Journaling, or BuJo as the cool kids call it (and no I am not cool nor brave enough to say that out loud in real life… if you dare to, apparently it’s pronounced “boo-joe,” like a scary cup of coffee). Developed by designer Ryder Carroll, it’s a method that promises to help you be more mindful and intentional about the “two most valuable resources in life: our time and our energy,” as summarized in Carroll’s book outlining the process The Bullet Journal Method (affiliate link). I mean, with a subtitle like “Track the Past, Order the Present, Design the Future,” it’s hard to ignore. What started as a little website where Carroll uploaded some tutorials, has taken on a cult following. In fact, it has been said to change lives. Pretty bold statement for a method that only requires a notebook.
But yes, I totally agree with these wild claims.